Defeated once again

So, the four carrot cakes that I have made have all flopped. My mom told me that carrot cake always fallss...or maybe she was trying to make me feel better. The wedding cake was turning out. Was. I think it looks horrible and I am at a point that I have no idea what to do. I have tried everything and I think I am in over my head. The frosting will not go smooth...no matter what I try. The flowers are all crumbling. How on earth can I take this cake to the beautiful bride tomorrow???? As a last resort, I will get a sitter, take my cake to my teacher and BEG for help. Tears will not stop flowing. I am heart broken and I need a miracle. No matter how hard I beg Heavenly Father to help, nothing seems to work. Maybe I have jumped into this too soon. Maybe I am supposed to learn something from this. Patience, humility, endurance???

The kids were horrible tonight. I am at the end of my rope. I feel like for the past three days, my kids have needed me and I wasn't able to give them what they need. Tevan has thrown tantrums. Daeson has been so booby and whiny. Tonight Tevan sang himself to sleep. It was so sweet yet it made me feel so horrible inside. The one request Daeson had was for me to lay by him while he went to sleep and I shut him down so harshly. Today at Preschool, Miss Janet told me that I was an amazing mom. Tonight I feel like a failure. Defeated. Again.

I just pray that Jenny's cake will turn out somehow. I just PRAY that tonight goes well. I wish Troy's flight were already here and that I had someone to rely on and help me. Sometimes you just need someone here to give comfort when times are at their worst. I have now poured my heart out. I have willed myself to buck up and stop crying. I am sorry for the sad, pity party post. I always feel better when I get my feelings out and in the air. We will see how this all turns out. Tomorrow will be a better day. It has to be. It would not take much for that to happen.