Six weeks and five days

I cannot say the last 33 weeks have flown by: throwing up for 17 weeks, the flu for two weeks, and spring cleaning for two weeks for a total of 21 weeks of not being able to do anything other than that stated. However, I feel completely unprepared for this little girl coming soon. My cousin is lending me her crib...I was going to make do with a pack and play and twin size bed since I sold my crib years ago...so now I can not worry about that. She still has no door in her room and half her trim is still not up. I need to hang curtains and buy sheets. I need to wash clothes and blankets. I need to get prepared. I know, I know, I still have six weeks...but that six weeks includes three fieldtrips, six classroom helper days, three birthdays, 12 or so doctor appointments, and one week somewhere to relax and enjoy my kids. I know the next six weeks is going to fly by.

Troy asked me the other day if I was scared or nervous. Yes. I am. I remember how bad it hurts. I remember breathing through each contraction and each push. I remember the ring of fire. I remember the afterbirth pains. I remember the careful care of the 11 stitches. I remember the soreness of lactating. Oh, yes, I remember all of these things. Four years is not enough to forget. I am nervous that I won't be able to keep up on everything. I am nervous that I will go through my postpartum baby blues. I am afraid I will struggle with the lack of sleep. I worry about each of these things. I worry that my boys (including Troy) will feel left out. I worry that I will not be able to handle everything. Yes, I am both nervous and scared. They say you have nine months to prepare...I don't think any amount of time can prepare you for what goes on during birth. With Daeson I expected to die and didn't so I thought it wasn't so bad. With Tevan I thought, "I've done this once, I can do it again." With this one, I am seeing a new doctor and I have no idea how it will be. I have no idea if he will be anything like Dr. Crouch. I have no idea if I get pitocin and power through a four hour delivery. I really struggles with Tevan...I almost caved and got an epidural. I don't want an epidural. I want this to be as natural as my first two. I want to feel everything and experience it like it was meant to be experienced. I don't love the pain, but it is a cool kind of pain. I am just unprepared for that pain...again.

I am so excited to have this baby. I want to be ready for her. I want to have everything I need ahead of time...if you know me well, being prepared is one thing I can do. I don't like that I am not prepared. I am getting tired. The daily tasks of laundry, toilet cleaning, mopping and cooking are about all I can do to keep up. I have sharing time this month and I am too tired to focus and pull a decent lesson together. I know I am not the only woman in the world, or even locally to give birth or to feel this way and that is not the intent of my post. I just want something to look back on and remember why I stopped having children after three. I just want that proof that I was tired, that I was scared and that I did not feel worthy of raising such a sweet spirit. I hope everything goes well the next six weeks. I hope that I will be able to get prepared. I hope that I will be able to get some energy and step it up a notch! Six weeks and five days...sigh!

What can you get for 25 cents?

Not much...right? However, my five-year-old and three-year-old will rub your feet for a half hour with lotion for 25 cents! Troy actually paid Daeson 50 cents and I paid him 25 cents. We informed him he could make almost six dollars if he did this every night...pretty good bargain I think! He's thrilled and my feet get rubbed, ya know, since I cannot reach them anymore!

Babes know best

Today we went to the library. We thought we would have enough time to get to the library, come home, make lunch, then take Daeson to school. Not the case. We ran into a good friend of Troy's mom and visited with her for a bit. We left the library with about 35 minutes to get Daeson to school. Troy decided to treat us to Wendy's. We had a good time sitting as a family and visiting for just a bit. When we got our food, Tevan declared that we had forgotten to say the prayer. So he volunteered...he volunteers EVERY meal...and said a wonderful prayer. He has started saying Gracious Father in Heaven and asking for others to feel good and that we can have the Spirit with us. It is so sweet to hear my boys pray. We have said prayers every night for months now...we have missed a few as we are not perfect...but they remind us and they actually get quite upset if we skip. They are good boys and I am lucky they teach me the importance of prayer.

I don't have a habit of praying in public, especially restaurants, but my boys don't even hesitate. I fear that I am offending someone or that people will talk or make fun. However, isn't this something that we should be proud of? Should we not stand up for what we believe and voice it? I am proud of my two children for being able to stand up for what they know is right. I am glad they loudly express appreciation and gratefulness to our Father in Heaven for the things we have. It takes a lot of getting used to, but I am so proud that they do this. I know they might reach a point where they are shy about it, but for right now, my babes know best!

Shaped like a B and other funny things

The other day Daeson told me I was shaped like a "B". He said, "See Mom, a small bump and then a big bump...you are a "B". (In case you couldn't figure this out, the small bump is my chest, the big bump is my prego belly!)

Tevan was in my room the other morning after I showered and while looking questionably at my stomach asked, "So, how does the baby get out of your tummy, Mom?" I replied, "The Dr takes it out." He said, "Oh, okay mom!" and ran off. Whew! I thought his three-year-old brain would ask much more. I got lucky there!

Two mornings ago the boys and I were sitting on my bed after we had all woken up. Tevan asked where I go a scratch. Then he went on to tell Daeson and I all about his scratches and bruises. He said, "I got these scratches from when I went to Planet X. There are guys with two heads and X-ray machines. They got these scratches for me." Can you tell he was learning about the letter X in preschool?

The other day I was a bit upset at the kids. I finally told them to stop being brats. Tevan piped up and said, "Mom, you have to call me something that starts with a T." So I said, "Fine, you little turd!" He thought for a moment and then replied, "That's better Mom, T for Tevan and T for Turd!"

I was helping in Daeson's class yesterday and this little girl was looking at a sea/ocean book. She said to Mrs. Andrews and I, "Did you know that salami comes from the sea?" I said, "Salami?" She said, "Yes, salami." Mrs. Andrew said that she didn't think this little girl knew what she was saying. So we asked again, "Salami?" She relied in all seriousness, "Yes, salamis come out fo the sea and on to the shore and gets everything all wet." We smiled and said, "Oh, you mean tsunamis!" The little girl replied, "Yes, salamis, that is what I said!"

I love what little kids say. I love that they are so innocent and sweet. I think I should write more often when something cute is said, but I forget. I think that I often block out what my kids are saying, but then when I really listen, I end up chuckling for hours at what they say!

Good night

How many times do you have to tell your kids to go to bed/sleep? Tonight I couldn't even keep count!

Spring cleaning

Yesterday I decided to start the spring cleaning process. It is wonderful to go through every room and clean the heck out of it. Yesterday I cleaned our bathroom head to toe and our bedroom. I rearranged our closet and the hall closet. I already did the baby room last week so I headed to the boys' room. We tried on clothes, put some in the DI pile and some in the bin for Tevan. We did not go through toys, but I did got through them about four months ago and got rid of three bags full.

Today I cleaned the main bathroom and finished the boys' room. I made lists of things each room needed and what I needed Troy to do. I have a 50 gal tote full of junk to get rid of. It feels so good to declutter and to get rid of unnecessary items. I will continue spring cleaning next week. I need to go through the coat closet tonight and go through our 72 hour kits. I really dread this. It seems so difficult to do...not really, but how do you fit everything in the backpack for emergencies? It is a scary thought to think that we actually might have to USE the stuff in the packs, but it is better to be prepared and never use it than unprepared and need one.

I am looking forward to next weeks cleaning...Troy's office, the laundry/storage room and the dreaded kitchen cupboards. I should buy stock in Lysol...I am sure I will earn my money back when I am through with this house. I am trying to decide if I should buck up and paint the kitchen while I am at it. Not the cupboards or anything of that nature, just the kitchen walls. They have never been painted while I have lived here and it would be nice to change it up a bit. Eight years is a LONG time to look at the same dingy paint. I have never like the yellow that is on the walls. It would be nice, especially since we put the window-hole in the wall and you can see through to the kitchen, to get a fresh coat and color on those walls. Lots to do, but luckily I have some time to do it. I am a bit more prepared for the baby now so I am not stressing out about it.

So after next week I will be so glad to look around and see all the hard work. I hope my windows and walls are gleaming. The toilets are right now sparkling and the bathrooms do not wreak of boy smells, but of Lysol. Just a little elbow grease :)

Confessions of a tired housewife

Please tell me I am not the only woman in America or anyone else for that matter who gets tired of cleaning up the same messes...day after day after day. Please tell me I am justified when I get angry at picking up the same pair of shoes, wiping of the same toilet seats, picking up the same laundry off the floor, taking out the same garbage...sometimes three times a day, and seeping the same floor. Please tell me it is okay that I get frustrated loading and unloading the dishwasher twice a day. Please tell me that I can feel upset when I have a super-clean kitchen and my husband comes home and dumps all his stuff on the counters with no intention of cleaning it up. Please tell me that I am totally okay to feel these feelings.

Well, today Daeson feels pretty good. He has refuses to take his prescribed medicine and opts for regular Tylenol, but he seems to be sore every three and a half hours. He is eating a bit better now. Tuesday he had a rough day. He was throwing up and he slept all but three hours the entire day. He was pretty sick. We are lucky he didn't start to bleed with all the throwing up. Yesterday was pretty good. He requested alfredo and french bread for dinner. We went on a small outing to the library. We all enjoyed that. Even Troy found a couple things to check out.

Things are not slowing down at all. I have slacked on a lot of responsibilities lately and I feel bad about that. I had to make a couple of apology phone calls yesterday. Those are always fun to make. I did get the heaps of laundry done...yup, all done! I even got to run to Target the other day for a half an hour. That was a nice break. I found some curtains for the baby's room. Now if only I can get Troy to finish the trim, I can get them hung up. I am getting pretty excited for this baby. In fact I go in Monday for the 3D ultrasound. This will be a fun thing to do. I will be able to "double check" her status. I did give away a lot of baby clothes, but I am just hoping the ultrasound tech was correct in his gender recognition. I have always been told that if they say it's a girl, it could change into a boy. If they say it's a boy, it usually is. It's better to be cautious though, right?

Daeson has had some fun visitors since his little surgery. His teacher's aide came over and gave him his very own Old Maid cards. She even stayed to play a game with him. It was very kind and thoughtful. My mom sent balloons and candy, Grammy Blue gave the boys styrofoam airplanes to fly, Kara and the girls brought over Super Hero popcicles, Cara my VT brought over Jolly Rancer popcicles, and Susie J brought them Jello shaped like an icecream cone with whipped cream on top. He has been thrilled with everything he has received. Tevan likes it too.

Well, off to write out checks for taxes...yuck! It would be nice if we could just pay taxes like tithing. Ten percent. Then everyone pays the same percent and it is a lot easier to figure!

Great rewards

Tonight I had the privilege of going to the hospital with my good friend Kara. As I previously posted, her baby was born at 33.5 weeks. He has done so well, they decided to send him home today. He is 35 weeks today. He is adorable, tiny, sweet, and oh so precious. As we were in the NICU, I looked around at all the tiny babies there. They ranged from 2 lbs to 7 lbs. It was amazing to see them. It was definitely a place of humility. I told Kara that there were probably more prayers said in that room than any other room in the hospital. The babies were so tiny...I just cannot get over that. But they were all doing well. And, most of the moms were there.

I feel truly honored to have been able to go with her. Her husband had to leave on a business trip and her mother had a cold, so I told her if she needed me to go, I would. I am so glad I was able to go. He is just the sweetest thing. I am so glad he is doing so well! I know he is going to grow and thrive. thank you Kara, for allowing me to share that special moment with you. I was honored an touched to see all those special spirits in the hospital. I know they have a purpose and I know that they are sweet spirits. It was truly a blessing to have gone. I am so glad your little man is finally home!

Conference cupcakes

Every April and October, we are blessed to hear from our Prophet and other Apostles of Christ. This past weekend we were greatly blessed to hear such wonderful talks given by various men and women serving in our church. I was lucky this year and actually got to listen to all four sessions. They were wonderful...and there were a couple of talks that struck me personally. During the last half of the last session, Troy, Daeson, Tev and I made cupcakes. I had some left over frosting from a cake I made so I decided to let the boys decorate some cupcakes hoping it would get the boys involved with conference. It worked. They sat there and decorated the cupcakes after Troy and I frosted them. We then picked a couple of people to randomly deliver cupcakes to. The boys proudly delivered them to the doorstep and wished them a happy Sunday. It was nice and I have to say that Elder Bednar's talk on doing something good inspired me a bit. I need to remember to do good in the world everyday. Sunday we spend some good quality time together and I hope that we did some good in someone's life.

What I do and SHOULD do

Today I should be changing sheets, cleaning bathrooms and doing the piles of laundry in my bedroom. So far I have taken the boys to the craft store to find something to keep them busy, ran to Target to get a baby gate and curtains for the baby's room, called my sister in law to see how she was, and hung a picture up on the wall. My living room could stand a refresher...the kitchen got a wipe down before lunch, but not after...and I am not sure I am going to do it. It is nice to just accept that today nothing is going to get done...except for the things I want to do. I'm a grown-up right? Aren't these the choices we get to make...when we were kids were we not told "when you are a grown up you can choose to do it, but as a kid you have to do it"?

We looked in Daeson's throat today for the first time...GROSS! It's all white and swollen, puffy and just gross. I tried not to pull a face, I didn't want to scare the poor kid, but I think I might have failed. Even as I type my lip curled up just thinking about it. No wonder his throat hurts. No wonder he is dying for his pain meds every three hours. Yuck. We are still fighting him at night to take his pain med, but during the day he does okay. It's a battle. I have been very patient up until last night. I just couldn't handle the battle. I tried everything...bribes, trips to the library, games, books...nothing worked. Finally, I lost it. I am not proud by any means that I lost it, but I did. It was three something, I was super tired, and I just lost it. I had to call Troy in. He was able to get Daeson calmed down and back to sleep. Then I felt so bad that it took me another two hours to fall asleep...only to have the alarm go off an hour later. Tev woke up and told me it was almost "good morning". He watched the sun come up and has been running since. I did get a minuscule back rub as he was watching the sun come up. Ya gotta love the backrubs when you can get em!!

Tomorrow I go in for my check up. I have had a ton of Braxton Hicks...I know that is all they are...but I get them daily and I hate them. I wish they would stop. I made a list of things for Troy to do. Daeson and I did a rough count today and we figure this baby will be here in about 67 days. That is not very far...not at all. So I should be getting more done today than I have. I should be getting closets gone through and clothes organized. I should be washing walls and windows. I should be vacuuming and dusting every nook and cranny and I should be painting trim so we can finish this mess. I should be doing all of those things but I won't. I am going to take a day off, I will get some of it done tomorrow. I will get some of it done next week. Who am I kidding? I will be doing most of it right before the baby comes, it will put me into labor and I will have to finish some of it after the baby comes. What I should be doing is much different than what what I am doing.

Day four

Yesterday was a hard day for Daeson. They say that day 3 is the hardest and he proved that to be true. Night before last, he threw up three times. Thankfully there was no blood in it. Troy's trusty alarm wasn't very trusty (you have to turn it on :)) and we missed six and a half hours of pain meds. This was not very great for Daeson. He woke up sore and sad. He has been wanting visitors so badly. Last night he finally got one. Grammy Blue came for a visit on her way home from SLC. He was happy to see her. He gave her lots of loves.

Today he was a bit better. He woke up sad and hurting, but now he has perked up. He has so much bottled energy right now it is hard for him to release it. He is happy he gets to play the Wii right now. I was happy he watched a bit of General Conference, but he quickly became bored with it.

It has been very up and down. It has been hard...for everyone. Troy has been very busy and Tevan doesn't quite understand why Daeson cannot wrestle around. I have been exhausted...today being the first day I actually got dressed in normal clothes after my shower. I even applied makeup and have cooked all day. Daeson has attempted to eat normal foods, but it bothers him still. He cannot have crunch foods for another ten days, but he tried fish tacos and a sandwich...being able the eat neither one. He did eat a good helping of cream of wheat today. he no longer has a love of Jello and popcicles don't even taste good anymore. He was thrilled today when he got a bouquet of balloons from Papa Ty and Grandma Cindy. They had candy on the bottom and we found something he could enjoy. He was quite upset and started crying when one of the balloons popped...right after I told him they were going to pop if he got it on the ceiling. He cried hard and felt bad...but felt even worse after his throat started to hurt. He is enjoying them now...he has learned that he gets to look at the fun colors and the pictures on the balloons. He is much happier, too, now that Troy is home. He keeps telling me he is afraid we are going to leave him and I think he is remembering after surgery, waking up and we were not there. He has been scared a lot since Wednesday.

Conference was very uplifting this morning. I don't know who gave the talks since I listened on the radio, but I especially loved the one about being proud to be a mom. It made me feel good. It made me feel happy.

More updates coming later.